Exactly nine days after the tragic hostage crisis drama in Manila ended in the loss of eight lives of innocent Hongkong tourists at the hands of a disgruntled ex-policeman, my colleague and I were flagged down by the local Chinese police at a routinary checkpoint in Zhuhai. That crisis was very much a headline and heated item for both countries. My heart palpitated like a drum roll as the officer motioned me to step out of the car I was driving. Despite knowing and understanding a little bit of the Chinese language, I opted to speak in straight english with the officer in the hopes of evading further inquiries which, at that particular moment, might lead to something a lot of Filipinos in China and Hongkong feared and felt – unwarranted backlash against Filipinos. Notwithstanding that I recognized his question about my nationality, I dodged the question by calmly yet consistently denying understanding his question and gesturing to make a phone call to our Chinese manager for assistance.
He looked closely at my driving license and stared at me.
Afterwards he swiftly whisked his hand towards the direction of our destination.
“He is letting me go”, I said to myself.
I thanked him and we left.
Only after I arrived home was I totally aghast to see that clearly marked beside my name in the driver’s license was my Filipino nationality.
The police officer knew it all along.
As a practicing Catholic, there are admittedly occasions when I have been in “denial” of my faith and beliefs. I am not even talking about faith renunciations at the thought of religious persecutions which the saints in the past surpassed or about the zealously intellectual defence of apologetics againts attacks by believers from other sects. I am particularly guilty of them in the daily humdrums of my life. When I wake up each morning, how many times have I jumped to a lot of others activities without any prayer prelude? I rush myself getting into the car and revving up the engine without a short pause to ask for driving assistance. During work, how many times have I resorted to white lies just to get the necessary result within the shortest time possible? And if office stuffs and issues becomes stresfully difficult to handle and things do not work out as I planned, then I would resort to unrestrained anger. I have my prejudices, less-than-pure glances, self-righteous rationalizations, annoyances, lazy circumstances, uninformed opinions which ran opposed to the teachings of the church and a few more sins that clouded the truth of His presence in my life. At night, I go home tired and would, now and again, half-consciously pray with my wife as we prepare to rest.
And to top it all, I, every now and then, would act as if everything is still fine with me,simply forgetting and forgoing any exerted effort to remedy or improve the situation.
Honestly speaking,” Who am I kidding?”.
The Lord knows all these details even if I forget them as soon as a new day comes and even as I conveniently dismissed them. There’s no denying all these offenses I am committing against Him. They are clearly written beside my name in His book of life and only a conscientious confession and a firm resolve to mend my ways can lead me to a forgiven and a new life.
When St. Peter denied Jesus three times, Jesus encouraged him to redeem himself with an equal three-time confession and directive to “Feed my sheep” (John 21:15-17). Yes, the goods news remains up to our present time. Our denials are also opportunities for our redemption through God’s endless stream of divine mercy.
So how long have you been denying the Lord?
Isn’t it about time we go to confession and to follow His directive?
God bless.
