I remember when I was a young boy and were still living in our first house in San Juan Malolos, my kuya and I would occasionally fetch water from the nearby barrio deep well manual pump. As if carrying two pails of water at a time was not difficult enough, we had to balance ourselves as we walk through a narrow and rough “pilapil” or fishpond banks which was the only way to reach our house then. One careless mis-step would lead us downward to the murky water.
At first, I was very nervous to carry those pails of water so much so that whenever I reached home the water level on each pail would nearly be reduced to half due to mindless spills. But as time went by, I noticed that not only have I taken this task with ease and with minimal spillovers, I also realized that I am no longer afraid to do it.
The weight of the two pails never changed but I have grown muscles to confidently carry them.
As our family remembers tomorrow the fortieth day of Maia’s untimely passing away, my wife and I realize as well that the pain and depth of loss is not diminishing each passing day. She still wakes up in the early morning often with the melancholic feeling of losing our daughter at her very young age and I, at times, still catch myself staring into nothingness as I start to remember Maia in all her fondest moments and all my washed-away dreams for her. We still fight back tears whenever we talk about her and every time we see a girl toddler with a striking semblance to Maia’s physical features.
But the journey to our healing is on-going as well and we are developing spiritual and emotional “muscles” to help us move on and carry our heavy burden. We thank God for these “muscles-formers” like parents and well-meaning friends who keep us company with their presence, messages and prayers.
Everything is becoming clearer (and more personal) now about what Jesus said to those who wish to follow Him.
Mark 8:34 – “….Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.”
With our faith being tested, my wife and I are looking forward to that day when we can confidently say, “Where to now, our Lord? Here we are with our cross.”
Because by that time, we can never be afraid of anything else.
Nothing but love will stand between us and Him.
PS. Thanks ANTie Ela for the inspiration to write this article :)
