Her shrieking giggles that I hear every time I come home from work are gone forever.
Her heart-melting grins and smiles from out-of-the-blue will be sorely missed.
Her stress-busting music-triggered dances have reached the final performance.
Her spirit-nourishing embraces and kisses are what I will hopelessly long for to feel again.
The Lord has called back our angel into heaven in an abrupt and totally unexpected moment.
A high-fever on the eve of October 29 became the prelude of her unforeseen return to her Maker in the following daybreak.
The hurt that this painful reality has brought to my wife and I is beyond words and will surely linger until the grace of God finally succeeds in infusing His peace and joy back into our hearts. The time for us now is to grieve but with our fervent hope of being comforted especially during times when the agonizing longing to be with our Maia is strongest. The odds are stacked against us and the doors to doubt or bitterness are wide-open, yet all we can do is to pray that we are able to embrace with a loving trust whatever the Lord‘s ordained purpose is for this trial in our family. We do not pray for complete understanding but for a peaceful and heartfelt assurance that we will be fine, because we are not at the moment.
The Lord, however and in His infinite wisdom, has yet another surprise under His sleeve because as I read through the end topics of Max Lucado’s book entitled “Experiencing the Heart of Jesus”, the Lord has spoken His word through his writings and I can hear Him paraphrase them to me.
“Rowin, am I less of a good God for having called your beloved daughter?”
“Is my goodness lessened by the fact that your strongest plea, begging and bargaining as time expires on her received a “no” response from me?”
“My son, am I still deserving of your love and faithfulness for not letting you keep her so you can work to build all your dreams and aspirations for her?”
In all honesty, I would never know how to reply had He asked me those questions at the time I was tightly embracing the lifeless body of our daughter as I rush her to the nearest hospital only to find out eventually that she is indeed gone. I was moaning and crying in anguish and pain so I am not sure I would have even heard His voice. I was nearly oblivious of His presence while my wife transfers the remains of our daughter and I was scampering to have our eldest undergo a battery of diagnostics because he also have the same fever which actually manifested earlier than our daughter. Our anxieties are untold.
Lord, I am sorry for having doubted your grace during the critical span when you needed my firm conviction and decision to accept your plan for us no matter how painful it is.
Lord, I am sorry because for that particular moment, I almost forgot that you have suffered first for us before you invited us to share in your sufferings.
Lord, I am sorry if I did not make the choice to accept your grace which is sufficient for my family at that moment.
At this time, my wife’s spirit and mine are being replenished with the caring support of our families, relatives and friends whose promises of prayers are over-whelming.
At this moment, I can answer the Lord’s questions with a better perspective at the circumstances surrounding our situation.
No Lord, you are not less of a good God even after you called our daughter back and a brief 22-month life here on earth.
No Lord, your goodness is not lessened despite your firm “no” answer to my desperate prayers. Comprehending your purpose is not what I seek but contentment in your promise I must present to you.
And Yes Lord, you are still deserving of my love and faithfulness even if our dreams for our daughter vanished into nothingness.
Your grace is enough.
Blessed is Your name forever.
“But be happy that you are sharing in Christ’s sufferings so that you will be happy and full of joy when Christ comes again in glory.” – 1 Peter 4:13
